tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21732762301746824772024-03-12T18:09:09.659-07:00golden moments.lifes golden moments.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger315125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-19156728760609281012020-03-23T21:47:00.000-07:002020-03-24T21:31:15.974-07:00kitchen remodel <div style="text-align: justify;">
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Hi! It's been a while! Couple of years actually.. but we are on day 2 of the "corona virus social distancing" and I thought, why not <i>finally</i> post about our kitchen makeover. I had no idea that a kitchen remodel would make me so happy. That, with a few other remodel projects in my home, make me feel more "me" in my house. I had always liked my house but now I LOVE it. Before, I didn't know how to decorate because it just wasn't my jive and I couldn't get a clear vision of what I liked. Once Tanner gave me the green light on the remodel, I felt a shift in my creative energy that was so fun to get into. That, and the (major) help of Pinterest!<br />
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<span style="text-align: justify;">Our house was built in 2006 and the original kitchen was dark. Black countertops, dark appliances, dark backsplash, dark wood cabinets, and we don't get a lot of natural light in the house so it just felt </span><i style="text-align: justify;">darkkkkk</i><span style="text-align: justify;">. The bar countertop made me feel blocked out from whatever was going on on the otherside, even though it was still open. </span><br />
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stools: <a href="https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/barraute-bar-counter-stool-lrfy2350.html">https://www.wayfair.com/furniture/pdp/barraute-bar-counter-stool-lrfy2350.html</a><br />
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tile: <a href="https://www.allmodern.com/home-improvement/pdp/reine-3-x-12-ceramic-field-tile-bedr3855.html?piid=38053688">https://www.allmodern.com/home-improvement/pdp/reine-3-x-12-ceramic-field-tile-bedr3855.html?piid=38053688</a></div>
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appliances: <a href="https://www.cafeappliances.com/cooking/ranges">https://www.cafeappliances.com/cooking/ranges</a><br />
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I have loved finding things that make me happy to look at. It was nice to channel my inner Marie Kondo and get rid of things that I didn't use. I purged out cabinets and found unopened items from our wedding (ten years ago!)<br />
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Little by little as demo happened I got more excited. Seeing the black backsplash being torn out already brightened up the room and that was just the beginning.<br />
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We tore out several cabinets and replaced them with floating shelves. We couldn't expand the size of the room but taking the cabinets out and leveling the counter by taking out the high bar makes it feel so much bigger. I also love the waterfall countertop. </div>
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Green paint -<a href="https://www.benjaminmoore.com/en-us/color-overview/find-your-color/color/2050-10/salamander?color=2050-10"> Salamandor by Benjamin Moore</a><br />
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I hope this helped give you a little inspiration for your kitchen remodel. I was so excited to see the changes that I never really got bothered living out of a dysfunctional kitchen for a couple of months. The process took us a little longer than I anticipated but we did a lot of it ourselves and my husband was traveling a lot during that time. WORTH IT! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-57333076079905793222018-02-14T21:42:00.005-08:002018-02-14T21:42:59.546-08:00IVF Abroad - our fertility experience in Prague<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/255782288" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe>
<a href="https://vimeo.com/255782288">IVF journey in Europe</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user7996638">darlene dame</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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Q - <i><b>First, why Prague and why abroad?</b></i></div>
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A- IVF abroad didn't cross our minds until a friend recommended it. We were quoted $14k for an IVF cycle (after 3 consecutive failed IUI's) here in Boise and a friend told us it could be much cheaper out of the US. I was on google late one night searching for well known places abroad and Prague and Barbados were the two that caught my attention. We did a backpacking trip around Europe a few years ago and had a 24 hour layover in Prague. In that short time, I fell in love with the city and always wanted to go back. Then the thought of being there around the holidays and the Christmas markets.. I would get teary eyed just thinking about it. After crossing Barbados off our list (cost was closer to $8k) and reaching out to several clinics in Prague, I narrowed in on <a href="http://www.fertility-ivf.eu/en/about-us/">Europe IVF International</a> solely due to costs. I prayed about it, it felt right, so I started making plans. </div>
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Q - <i><b>What was the cost of IVF?</b></i></div>
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A - In total we paid $4,375 - here's a rough breakdown</div>
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IVF - $2000 (own egg retrieval and transfer)</div>
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Meds - $1000</div>
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Ultrasound, checkups - $875</div>
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Extra - $500. We paid to have assisted hatching and embryo glue. </div>
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<i>If you have questions for your own personal situation, please email the clinic as I do not have that info. It all varies from case to case. </i></div>
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Q - <i><b>What was the total cost of being there?</b></i></div>
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A - I don't have a very accurate answer. Some of our flights were bought through miles and we traveled to a lot of different cities during our down time. I can give an estimate though, based out of the US.. Depending on where you're flying from and what time of year, you can fly roundtrip for as low as $400. High end $1000+. I saw many apartments on Airbnb for $30 a night but we chose to stay close to the clinic and have some space since we had our daughter with us. Ours came out to $51 a night and the total for us for 2 weeks was $850. <a href="https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13307314">https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13307314</a> Food prices were reasonable and we went grocery shopping a few times. I would say Prague was a little cheaper than other Western European countries like Austria and especially Switzerland. Again, all of this varies on your personal situation. </div>
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Q - <i><b>Did you feel comfortable? What is the facility like?</b></i></div>
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A - I did. The clinic is bare.. but clean. It was professional and I felt comfortable during my vaginal ultrasounds. The only thing that surprised me was when I went in for my egg retrieval. I was asked to change into my hospital gown and then go into the next room to rest until my procedure. I walked into the next room and there were two other women laying on their beds with a few other empty beds around them. I guess I expected it to be a private room and not shared with others. There was a curtain that they put a male (the husband of one of the women having her egg retrieval) behind after he had a procedure done.. felt a little strange but I was fine with it. I was the last to go in for my procedure so it was kind of funny to be talking with these women, wish them luck for their procedure, then 15 minutes later have them wheeled back in completely sedated. One of the girls popped up from being knocked out and told me to that McDonalds french fries sounded so good, then she went back to sleep. </div>
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<i>This was the same situation with the transfer. We weren't put out that time but it was the same room to rest in. </i></div>
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Q - <i><b>Were the procedures painful?</b></i></div>
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A - You don't feel a thing during the egg retrieval because you are under anesthesia. I was crampy and super gassy the rest of the day. I was expecting more pain but I was just a little sore in my lower ab area. I was <i>very</i> bloated and stayed bloated for a 2 months after. I truly looked at least 4 months pregnant. The transfer was pain free as well. A little twinge of pain for a second but I was completely fine after. I have had 4 IUI's done and each one left me in extreme pain a few hours later. I was able to travel home the same day as my transfer. (Although it is encouraged and I would highly recommend resting for a day)</div>
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Q - <i><b>How was communication?</b></i></div>
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A - My coordinator (Vanja) was awesome. Her English was excellent and she would always answer my emails as quick as she could. But, because of the time difference, that usually meant I emailed one day, got a reply the next day.. so the process was a little slow. They do not reply to emails over the weekend.. normally that would be fine but I was leaving the country 4 weeks later so I was in a time crunch to lock everything down. My first email to the clinic was October 14th and I left November 11th. It worked with our schedule and my cycle for it to be that way. </div>
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I saw Dr. Lucie Svabikova. She also spoke excellent English and I liked having a women doctor. I don't know if you can choose who your doctor is but I was just assigned with her. They are a busy clinic so I was always in and out. I liked that. There wasn't a lot of flowery talk and she would just get to the point. She was polite though and very friendly. I would highly recommend her. </div>
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With English being the International language and Prague being a high tourist destination, there was never a language barrier for me, even when I was out and about. </div>
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Q - <i><b>How long were you there for?</b></i></div>
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A - I was there for 15 days. The egg retrieval can take place on day 9-15 of your cycle and mine was on day 15. Then there is a 2-5 day waiting period for the transfer and mine was on the 5th day. So I was there the longest possible time. I arrived two days before my first ultrasound to get settled. My first ultrasound was day 7 of my cycle then I had one every other day until my follicles were ready. I had 4 ultrasounds before my egg retrieval. </div>
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Q - <i><b>How did you get meds? Did you take them the same time everyday?</b></i></div>
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A - This was the only frustrating thing of my whole experience. I sent the wire transfer to the clinic so they could send the meds to me in the US. I wasn't going to be in Prague until day 5 of my cycle and I was starting the meds on day 2. Anyway, after sending the money, I was told a new law was in place and they were not allowed to send medications to the US. I already had my flight booked and was leaving in a couple days so I needed to somehow get the meds asap. I eventually had the Prague clinic send me a prescription and found a pharmacy in Canada (<a href="https://www.fertilitydrugsonline.com/">https://www.fertilitydrugsonline.com</a>) to fulfill it and overnight ship them to me. Pharmacies in the US wouldn't take a prescription from out of the country. The clinic used the money I sent through wire transfer towards everything else but were willing to refund if I needed the to. </div>
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I was going to be on 2 time changes while doing the injections so I would just do them every 24 hours. I wouldn't go off of doing them at 2 in the afternoon everyday because it would have messed up when I flew to a different time zone. </div>
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Q - <i><b>What is living and transportation like in Prague?</b></i></div>
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A - Easy. I was alone with my daughter for a few days before my husband arrived and we took the tram everywhere. The city is easy to get around, mostly walkable, and just so beautiful. My Airbnb host was amazing and picked me up from the airport. The tram was a few minute walk from our flat. I was staying 15 minutes outside the old square and found it easy to get around. I was only a couple minute walk to the IVF clinic. You can find places to rent for $30+ a night. We stayed here: <a href="https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13307314">https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13307314</a></div>
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Q - <i><b>Overall, how was your experience? </b></i></div>
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A - Wonderful! After close monitoring, I had 20 follicles, 15 eggs, 14 fertilize, and 8 were excellent quality. We transferred 1 and it took so we are now expecting a baby in August! We froze all 7 embryos, not knowing how many times we would need to try. I don't plan on having 7 more children but will figure out what to do later down the road. This was a great situation for us as my husband was already traveling for work and I'm a stay at home mom (work as a videographer) and it just worked out that we could spend that much time there.<br />
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<i>I know it's not for everybody to do something like this and there is a lot of planning involved. Traveling in itself can be tiring and stressful and that's the last thing you want while going through this experience. I loved our journey and had the best time. For me, it eased the stress of IVF and let me enjoy the journey.</i> </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-75741787818227138862017-03-27T12:08:00.001-07:002017-03-27T12:08:32.205-07:00CUBA // dame family trip 2017<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" mozallowfullscreen="" src="https://player.vimeo.com/video/209107555" webkitallowfullscreen="" width="640"></iframe>
<a href="https://vimeo.com/209107555">CUBA // Dame Family Trip - 2017</a> from <a href="https://vimeo.com/user7996638">darlene dame</a> on <a href="https://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.<br />
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We had the best time seeing a small part of Cuba. We hope to go back to see a lot more of this wonderful country! This was our first time using a Super8 camera and I have never been so excited to watch film. I love how it turned out and it made us feel like we were in a different era. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0Cuba21.521757 -77.78116699999998213.976874500000001 -88.108315499999975 29.0666395 -67.454018499999989tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-5722042324330699832017-03-27T12:06:00.001-07:002017-03-27T12:06:41.687-07:00havana, cuba - day 1 // dame family trip 2017<div style="text-align: justify;">
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When we landed in Havana, Cuba, we were waiting for our bags (over an hour, no joke) and got talking with other Americans. One gentleman told us that this was his 3rd time in Cuba and was asking about our itinerary. We told him we were staying in Havana for two nights and he said that was too long and that there wasn't much to see. He recommended leaving Havana earlier if we could. Not exactly what we were hoping for but after spending time there, we loved it and would go back in a heartbeat. Havana had so much color and culture and life to it. Classic cars roamed the streets and although it was run down, it was very clean. The locals treated us kindly and were excited to see Americans. We spent our first day in the rain walking around the city. We got to know the area pretty well and there was a kind of romanticism to it. We took it slow and easy. Found a delicious bakery that we took one too many trips to throughout our time there. It was a Sunday and unexpectedly quiet and a lot of places were closed. </div>
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We stayed right in the heart of Havana on Obisbo street in the cutest airbnb. <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13796722?guests%3D2%26adults%3D2%26s%3Dkvo8tJCv&source=gmail&ust=1490675368497000&usg=AFQjCNGDecPVM-7UtEAcjMxQT3Zka-smwA" href="https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/13796722?guests=2&adults=2&s=kvo8tJCv" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" target="_blank">https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/<wbr></wbr>13796722?guests=2&adults=2&s=<wbr></wbr>kvo8tJCv</a> The location was wonderful... sleeping was not. We have never been ones to stay out late so we turned in around 8. The issue was, the noise in the streets and bars didn't stop until after midnight. It was LOUD. Then we were woken up around 3 in the morning to screaming and yelling.. I'm pretty sure a fight broke out.. and then shortly after we were woken up again to dogs barking. The beds were not the most comfortable but the apartment was cozy and clean. One thing to note about Cuba is that water and produce is a little hard to come by. When you find it, stock up! </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1Havana, Cuba23.1135925 -82.36659559999998222.646048 -83.012042599999987 23.581137 -81.721148599999978tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-51781039870890122012017-03-27T11:56:00.000-07:002018-03-07T15:13:07.508-08:00havana, cuba - day 2 // dame family trip 2017<div style="text-align: justify;">
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So, we liked Havana in the rain, but Havana in the sun is a total game changer! The feeling was night and day and so much more lively! Everything looked brighter and everyone seemed happier, including ourselves. We grabbed breakfast with the locals then walked around the city until we booked an hour taxi to show us other parts of the city. We went to the Christ of Havana followed by the Morro Castle. Just being in the convertible taxi in the nice weather was fun enough and watching Florence LOVE not being in her carseat was the cutest. We were planning on going to the revolution museum but Flo was needing a nap so we went to lunch while she napped in her stroller. After lunch, we took another taxi to the Plaza de la Revolution and ended the day at a famous hotel that overlooked the ocean. (I'm really bad at remembering names) We covered a lot of ground this day but enjoyed every minute of it. </div>
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Common questions we've been asked about our travels to Cuba:</div>
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Q. What airlines did you take? </div>
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A. We flew from Orland to Havana on JetBlue. Round trip tickets for the two of us (plus a baby) was around $150. </div>
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Q. How did you get your visa?</div>
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A. We bought our visa in the airport when we checked into our flight. Visa was $50 each. Travel insurance was included in the ticket and is required for Cuba. </div>
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Q. Since Americans aren't allowed to visit for "tourism," what category did you go for?</div>
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A. There are 12 categories and you need to "qualify" for at least one in order to visit. They are extremely vague and no one, not a soul, followed up and asked any questions. We filled out an affidavit that was attached to our flight confirmation email and that was the only time we were required to fill anything out. We went under the category of journalism. We figured since we filmed and took photos (and now blogged) we should be fine. </div>
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Q. Was it hard to get through customs?</div>
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A. No. It was just like going to and from any other country. Like I mentioned, not one question was asked and our passports were stamped without any problems. </div>
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Q. How did you budget for the week?</div>
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A. The ATM's don't take US debit cards so you need to bring cash. We budgeted around $100 a day for the two of us. (We already paid for our accomadations online) Cuba was actually more expensive than we anticipated. Some of our meals seemed cheap but travel and accommodation was close to US prices. We took out EURO's in the US bank and converted it into CUC's in Cuba. DO NOT covert to PESOS! PESO's are worth a lot less than CUC's. If you convert with US dollars, there is an extra fee and that's why we brought EURO's. </div>
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Q. Was it safe?</div>
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A. Absolutely. There was never a moment where I felt uneasy, even after dark. We think it's due to it being a communist country and they dwell on tourism for income. They are held to rules and laws and I'm sure the consequences are bad if they don't abide by them. Or at least that's why we assumed it felt so safe.<br />
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Q. Where did you stay?<br />
A. We booked our apartments through airbnb. There were many nice hotels but a little out of our budget. The communication was great and the only issue we ran into was our safe not opening in one of our apartments. We had all of our money and passports in it but thankfully, after a few hours of trying, it opened up and we were able to get our items out. It wouldn't open again after that. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.comHavana, Cuba23.1135925 -82.36659559999998222.646048 -83.012042599999987 23.581137 -81.721148599999978tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-85803527922893119792017-03-27T11:36:00.001-07:002017-03-27T11:36:49.261-07:00varadero, cuba // dame family trip 2017<div style="text-align: justify;">
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Ah, Varadero. If you want the ultimate relaxation vacation, this beach town is for you. I can't tell you how many times I took my polarized sunglasses off to see if the water really was <i>that</i> blue. And it was! The sand was white and soft and the water was refreshing and clear. It was the best watching Florence play in it. She LOVED everything about the beach! She would lay down in the sand and dig her hands, feet and mouth into it. She had no fear of the water and would crawl as fast as she could into it over and over. Apparently only tourists are allowed at this beach which left it uncrowded and felt really safe. There wasn't any peddling like I've seen in many 3rd world countries. It felt safe enough where we could leave our belongings on the beach and all go into the water together. This was a great way to wrap up our trip before we headed back to the winter in Idaho.</div>
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We stayed in a little apartment we found on airbnb <a data-saferedirecturl="https://www.google.com/url?hl=en&q=https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/7679359?guests%3D2%26adults%3D2%26s%3DB4Q0W8by&source=gmail&ust=1490675368497000&usg=AFQjCNHGR5ULu-wxCbot0wH94GMdF7VAkw" href="https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/7679359?guests=2&adults=2&s=B4Q0W8by" style="color: #1155cc; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;" target="_blank">https://www.airbnb.com/rooms/<wbr></wbr>7679359?guests=2&adults=2&s=<wbr></wbr>B4Q0W8by</a> that was conveniently located right across the street from the beach and walking distance to restaurants and shopping. I wish I grabbed the name of the restaurant we ate at our final night here because the food was soooo good! The bakery in town was awesome too. One thing that we thought was different was the supermarket. It wasn't very big and there was a whole isle of alcohol, another isle of juice and cookies, one isle with pasta and that was pretty much it. No produce or water. I'm not sure if that is due to an importation thing but it was a good thing restaurants were reasonably priced and close by. We stayed here for two nights which felt like enough time for us. I personally could have stayed another day but Tanner prefers to be a little more busy. We were there in January and it was pretty sleepy while we were there. I liked it that way and after dinner, we would go back to our apartment and watch movies on our laptop. It was quiet when we went to bed which was different than our stay in Havana. One thing to note was that the beds were NOT comfortable at all. They were hard and you could feel the springs. I would wake up sore from sleeping on my sides. Varadero is a two in a half hour drive from Havana and we took a classic taxi which was around $120 one way. We stopped at a pina colada "tourist trap" along the way but they were honestly the best pina coladas we've ever had! We caught a ride back to the Havana airport for $60 since it was a rental car that needed to go back to the airport. You just need to ask around for this option. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-24077969638591892402017-03-27T11:25:00.000-07:002017-03-27T11:26:49.277-07:00vinales, cuba // dame family trip 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="text-align: justify;">We went to a hotel in Havana to try to catch a tourist bus to Vianles but ended up in a classic taxi. I thought the bus would be safer since we left our carseat in the apartment but the car ended up being awesome. </span><i style="text-align: justify;">(I understand carseats are always the safest option, no matter what kind of transportation we use)</i><span style="text-align: justify;"> It was nice to have our personal space and the backseat was large and comfortable. Florence loved having room to play and move around and it was convenient for diaper changes. It was around a two in half hour drive from Havana so a lot of our day ended up being driving to and from Vinales. This didn't leave us a lot of time to soak it up but we were glad we went. Our first stop was an underground river through a cave. It was beautiful but really short. Honestly only like a 10 minute boat ride. We had done something very similar in the Philippines so we could've passed on doing this. After we had the most amazing lunch that was expensive but delicious. I wish I had gotten a better photo of our grub. They brought out plates of fresh veggies and different rice dishes with plantains. I ordered a lobster and crab mix dish that had a lot of flavor. This was my favorite meal of the trip. The live music was fun and Flo danced to it while we enjoyed the perfect weather. Our driver dined with us </span><i style="text-align: justify;">(and conveniently brought us to this restaurant.....)</i><span style="text-align: justify;"> which would have been awkward but Tanner speaks Spanish so at least they could communicate. It was only cordial to pay for his meal as well but it was kind of a weird, unspoken situation. After lunch, our driver then took us to a beautiful lookout of the national park that was located next to a retro looking hotel. We walked over to the hotel to get a different view and instantly fell in love with it. It looked and felt like we seriously took a time machine back to the 60's. Next time we go to Cuba... haha wishful thinking... but we would stay there. It was amazing. Vinales is known for it national park and tobacco fields. It was a beautiful place and I would highly recommend spending a night or two there. </span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-85843248864535759572016-11-12T21:28:00.001-08:002016-11-12T21:28:39.690-08:00cozumel mexico // babymoon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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we took a caribbean cruise back in january for our babymoon. our stops were haiti, jamaica, mexico, and grand cayman. my favorite stop was cozumel mexico where we rented a jeep and drove around part of the island. we had THE best food for lunch and enjoyed the most beautiful beaches. i really want to go to back spend more time there and hop over to tulum. i could never eat enough mexican food, especially when it's authentic. i took this cruise as an opportunity to get 'summery' maternity photos since i was pregnant with florence during the winter. i was 26 weeks pregnant and started having contractions on the boat and they pretty much never stopped until i had her. there was one night where i got really scared and spent the evening laying in our room timing my contractions. they were every two minutes for over two hours but weren't painful.. just nerve wracking. glad she managed to stay put until full term!</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-80974642491310384852016-11-07T19:21:00.003-08:002016-11-07T19:24:04.593-08:00florence // a birth story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^i wanted to share these so you're welcome that i added the stars ;) </div>
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i honestly do not understand how i keep seeing girls who look amazing during labor! even some who went natural look like rockstars. definitely a little envious considering i'm more than a mess during and even after labor. tanner took these photos and i remember him asking me if i wanted photos of the actual birth and i said no, but to just be with me and in the moment. i think he liked taking pictures to keep his mind off of what was happening. i'm glad i have these pictures to look at though because i was out of my mind and these show it haha. i definitely want a photographer at our next birth. </div>
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florence ivory - 4.18.16</div>
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5 lbs 15 ozs </div>
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21 inches long</div>
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florence's birth was crazy. i had lost my mucus plug at 37 weeks, two days prior to labor but everything i read said labor could start soon or in a few weeks. so i didn't know what to think of that, only knew my body was gearing up for it. i had contractions during most of my pregnancy and felt normal so i agreed to go with tanner to the city of rocks, 3 hours away from boise, to film for proof. we left around 5:30 in the morning and headed on the road with our dog cuba, 4 other people piled in the back seat, and towing our airstream. i was really uncomfortable during the drive and had tanner stop 3 or 4 times so i could stretch and go to the bathroom. we were out at the city of rocks for a few hours filming and taking photos and at one point i hopped over a fence and remember feeling something weird in my 'hooha' and gave tanner an uncomfortable look. he asked if i was okay and i said yes, but something just felt really weird when i jumped over the fence. i don't know if that's what got labor started but we got back on the road 2 hours after that incident and i started having contractions in the car. at first i just thought i was getting diarrhea and had to go to the bathroom. my contractions felt exactly like when i get a stomach bug. truly, it didn't even cross my mind that they were contractions because i expected them to feel different? i had tanner pull off at a gas station so i could try using the bathroom but nothing came out.. i was just extremely uncomfortable and once we got back into the car, i pulled my pants off of my stomach because just the pressure was bothering me. our friends were talking in the back seat, we had music playing, tanner was on the phone and i'm in the passenger seat thinking... wait a minute... am i in labor? we had joked about it on the drive down saying we could deliver the baby in the airstream but i felt fine then. i'll never forget the first contraction, that i FINALLY realized was a contraction.. tanner was on the phone and my whole body tensed and i couldn't help shake my leg really hard to deal with the pain. i grabbed the handle by the window, breathed really deep and was arching my back because my lower back was killing me. i didn't say anything because nobody noticed what i was doing. i started watching the clock and going okay, that was 4 minutes apart, about 4 in a half, okay back to 4 minutes.. at this point tanner was pulling off an exit to go the the bruneau sand dunes to finish the photo shoot. i told tanner i really wasn't feeling good and didn't think we should go to the sand dunes. i felt bad because everyone was planning on doing it so i apologized and said i needed to go home and lay down. then, for the first time mentioned that i maybe, might be, feel like i could be, in labor. i didn't want to alarm anyone.. it's a dang good thing we headed back to boise because it wasn't long after that my contractions really kicked in. they were 2 minutes apart and we had an hour left to the hospital. the car was now quiet and they turned the music off.. i hated that because i didn't want them all watching me fight through the pain, but i'm going to brag and say i did an amazing job haha. i was mostly silent during my labor and was focusing on keeping the baby in. we got off an exit in boise and got into our friends car so we didn't have to haul the airstream to the hospital. the second i got into the car and away from everyone was when i let it alllll out.. words that will not be repeated and i started to panic thinking we weren't going to make it. i had never been more relieved to see the hospital in my life. tanner pulled up to the ER and a nurse ran out with a wheel chair and said he knew where i was headed. they ran me down the halls, like in the movies, and the second i saw the bed i started ripping my clothes off. they checked me and i was an 8, no time for an epidural ( i was hoping for natural but at that point wanted the epidural. ) they then brought me into labor and delivery and i remember looking at the clock, 6:30 and thinking this baby will be here before 7. trying to wait for them to put on the contraction and heart monitor nearly killed me. i hated having that pressure on my belly. holding still for the nurse to put in my IV was actually worse! finally, a nurse told me to get on my hands and knees to help with the back labor. she pushed on my lower back during the contractions and that was the first (tiny) ounce of relief i felt. i was stark naked and the same sweet nurse brought me a hospital gown to give me some decency haha. at this point, i remember a piece of advice a friend gave me and she said to just 'give in to the pain.' i had been fighting it to prevent having a baby in the car but now i could just give in. i felt like i was going to throw up and at that point i didn't tell anyone that i needed to push, because i was afraid they were going to tell me to wait. so, i pushed on my next contraction which ended up breaking my water. everywhere. it went everywhere! i was still on my hands and knees and yelled out that i needed to push! then i looked at tanner, quite frantic asking what was going on with my.. mhmm, butthole! then i asked if it was possible to give labor through your butt??! the pressure was unbelievable! but oh man, i pushed on that next contraction and felt her head come out and that feeling was something i can't describe. pure relief. my next push and she was out. i turned over to my back and they handed her to me, still covered in vernix and i was able to hold her skin to skin while they stitched me up. i had a two degree tear, but it wasn't bad. the first thing i noticed was her red hair.. i wanted a redhead and was surprised that hers was so noticeable. i couldn't believe how beautiful she was! i just stared at her in complete awe. they let me nurse her for a while and then eventually took her to get her measurements. they left the vernix on to let it absorb into her skin. for not having time to tell them what i would like as my "birth plan" it went more than perfect. after i gave birth naturally, i had the thought that i did not care to do that again, haha. but now that time has passed, i would like to have all my babies naturally. the doctor on call who delivered her said that in future pregnancies, the moment i feel the first contraction i need to start making my way to the hospital or else i could have them in the car or at home since labor tends to be faster with each baby. my total labor with florence was two in a half hours. </div>
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we spent a total of 24 hours in the hospital and were more than ready to go home. it's just too busy there with nurses and others coming and going at all hours. florence has been one of the greatest joys in my life. she has brought so much healing and a completeness to our family. she looked so much like ivory as a newborn and that was such a beautiful gift to me. she was fussy for her first few months and didn't like to be put down but i savored all the moments of holding her and especially when she would fall asleep on my chest. she is my best friend and i love having her with me everyday. i swear tanners sole purpose is to be a dad. he proves to be the most loving father everyday. he lights up when he see her and she loves to be with him. i love watching them hang out and seeing tanner genuinely want to show her the world and have her with him. i miss ivory, terribly, but i've had more then enough confirmations that her life here was how it was supposed to be and that she is doing a greater work. there has not been a moment of feeling less, because she is not here, but only feeling more content with life now. she is very much a part of our family and we feel her near. i love my family and can't wait to continue to watch it grow. </div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-63153951544828013072016-11-06T22:26:00.000-08:002016-11-07T15:01:35.506-08:00baby shower // april 2016<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^the best women i know! i have all the love in the world for them!</div>
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^i didn't think i got chubby in my face until i look back at photos and see that i was </div>
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i got really emotional the morning of my baby shower. a lot of it was hormones, another part was being tired, and then another part was because i was running late. crystal and i went to set up at the clubhouse and i felt like it went smoothly. then i went home to get ready only to have tanner make a comment about my outfit that i didn't take well and that was enough for me to start crying. then we went back to the clubhouse to finish up the food and next thing i knew, we were way late and people were showing up and it wasn't ready. i realized afterward that i was a little over my head thinking i could do it ALL. but it obviously all worked out. </div>
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......</div>
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i was really looking forward to planning my baby shower for florence. i put more time and thought into it then i did my own wedding and love the way it turned out. i wanted it to be special and in a way to celebrate not only the new baby coming, but to honor the one that was lost. i didn't get to have one for ivory (honestly thankful for that) but it just made me want this one to me even more special. i spent a lot of time on pinterest and way too much time tying feathers to cups, but i wanted it to be perfect. plus, it made the last few weeks of pregnancy go by faster. i had so many people offer to throw me a shower and something about that feels funny to me.. i knew i was going to be picky and didn't want to put that pressure on anyone else. but i'm i love them for offering! i did accept it when people offered to bring food and help clean up ;) the food was SO good and everyone was way to thoughtful with their gifts. i remember putting all of her gifts in the nursery and just felt so much love for all my dear friends and family. crazy to think florence has been with us for almost 7 months now. i look back at my pregnancy photos and reminisce on all the time i spent thinking about her and wondering what she would look like and curious about her temperament. she's the best! </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-22253843968782543622016-03-13T22:01:00.000-07:002016-03-13T22:01:11.982-07:00china // xian day 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^^ my little 15 week bump</div>
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^^so i am a dummy and kept taking pictures of these trees. i told tanner that i thought they were so cool and he said, "you know those are fake, right?" i didn't…<br />
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^^ i saw a video on youtube of these flower cotton candy's and was stoked to see it made!<br />
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^^ tanner and joey were asked to take photos with these girls </div>
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^^ our other free day in xian was spent touring the city. side note, our hotels always had an amazing breakfast buffet where i got more than my fare share of hot pot soups. i stuffed myself with the soup on this particular morning then we took a bus to the pagoda.. we got off the bus and i looked at tanner and said i was going to barf. i found a bush on the side of the road and threw up my guts.. while tanner was trying to fend off a lady who kept asking him for money. it was kind of funny because he was trying to tell her he needed to help me as i barfed but she wouldn't leave him alone. </div>
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we walked around the pagoda grounds and then took a taxi to the bell tower and from there we walked to the muslims quarters. the muslim quarters was a really cool, very crowded area with food and trinkets to buy. the food was weird and looked gross so i didn't try any of it and ended up eating at mcdonalds again ;) even if i wasn't pregnant, i would't try any of it. fried scorpions and chicken feet aren't my thing. tanner did trick me one afternoon into eating frog and aside from the texture, it wasn't bad. he told me it was chicken but i knew right away something was off and spit it out just because it was too chewy. </div>
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that night i wanted to find a restaurant that served hot pot soup ( i know, even after throwing it up) but we couldn't find one. i was overly hungry by the time we found somewhere to eat and i hate this word, but i was severely "hangry." the menu didn't have any english translation and i got super frustrated that we couldn't communicate with the server. i was getting upset and slightly hysterical haha. we just pointed at random stuff and it all ended up being pretty good and i was happy after. after we left the restaurant, we walked maybe for one minute and found a hot pot soup restaurant! haha, that's life right?!</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-61148192413236971952016-03-13T21:38:00.000-07:002016-03-13T21:38:11.036-07:00china // xian <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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the rest of our time in china was mostly spent visiting manufacturers for proof but we had a few days to do some touristy stuff. while we were in xian we got to go see the terracotta warriors. it was way cooler than i expected it to be. there were football fields of the soldiers that had been uncovered and i was impressed by the condition they were in. a lot of it was ruined, but it was impressive to see what they were able to restore. every single piece was life-size and different. no two soldiers were the same and there were thousands. the story is that a farmer was digging to build a well but struck some of the pottery in 1974 so it hasn't been around that long. there were a few rooms to show what they have uncovered so far and there is still so much to be discovered. i remember it was pouring rain all day and we ate at mcdonalds for lunch because for some reason, whenever we travel i need to eat at a mcdonalds at least once to have something familiar. i loved the authentic food but seriously, that big mac and fries tasted soooo good. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-86654869665306395972016-03-13T21:25:00.001-07:002016-03-13T22:04:05.931-07:00hong kong<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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back in early november, we took <i>another</i> international flight to china. after ivory passed away, i vowed that if i were to get pregnant again, i would stay put and not do anything that could interfere with a safe pregnancy. then i realized i couldn't live life that way so why not take two separate flights to the other side of the world instead? i was around 15 weeks when we left on this trip and i was hopeful i would be over my all day 'morning sickness.' i wasn't. on the flight there, i threw up 5 times. turbulence, tight spaces, and airplane food did not sit well with me. i had thought more than once that i should have stayed home. i went with tanner to china over a year ago and didn't like it so i'm not really sure why i decided to go again. but i was glad i did go again because i really liked it this time, even with the fatigue and sickness. i loved all the food (surprisingly?!) and the sights we got to see. i know that technically hong kong is not china, so i apologize when i refer to it as a part of china. i really liked hong kong! our hotel room was insanely teeny tiny and we were sharing with an employee from proof. our two beds were about three feet from each other with a little toilet in between them and that was literally the whole room. we were only there to sleep so it was fine. we were in hong kong for an optical show but had some free time to see the city. we first went to an area where we had a cool view of hong kongs skyline and then later that day we went to the budha. we ended the day with the light show on the water front. as always with my traveling life, it was a quick stop in hong kong before we went into china. i liked how modern and clean the city was and almost everything was translated in english which was super helpful. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-59358965517665251352016-03-02T23:07:00.000-08:002016-03-02T23:07:06.668-08:00turkey // cappadocia part 2<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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these pictures can speak for themselves and sums up our morning in cappadocia before we caught a flight back to istanbul. they do the hot air balloons every morning (weather permitting) and we were hoping it would fit in our schedule to ride in one but it didn't and seeing them from the top of a hill was just as cool to me. if you have read my past posts about turkey, you may have sensed a pattern that i wasn't feeling well and was exhausted. this morning was no exception when our alarm went off at 6am and i literally told tanner i did not care to go see the balloons and needed to sleep. he obviously talked me into going and said he wouldn't go if i didn't and i knew he really wanted to go.. oh the things we do for love ;) we had to walk up quite a few hills to get the view we did but watching the balloons with the sunrise was quite romantic. tanner is really good at not missing out on anything and 99% of the time, i am glad he is that way. we took a flight back to istanbul that morning, had a few hours to go to the grand bazaar, then caught another flight to paris that night. i had one day to explore paris before i went home to film a wedding. seriously, one of the fastest, jam packed trips we've taken, but worth every second. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-23371293369518230532016-03-02T22:55:00.003-08:002016-03-02T22:55:43.892-08:00turkey // cappadocia<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^^ do you see tanner? </div>
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^^ our cutest little hotel<br />
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^^ and we slept in a cave!<br />
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^^ it felt a lot bigger than this picture shows<br />
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cappadocia was one of our favorite places we've ever been to. we took an overnight bus from pamukkale (hopefully my last overnight bus i will ever take) and spent the day in this awesome city. our hotel provided us with breakfast and then we took a tour that had four different stops. the first was an overlook of the city and then we walked through a canyon that reminded me a lot of utah. our third stop were some caves that we could explore and get an idea of how people used to live in them and the last stop was an underground fortress that was used for protection during wars. i can't remember exactly how big the fortress was but i want to say it was about 17 floors underground. people would sometimes stay in there for weeks depending on what was going on above ground with the war. it was claustrophobic being in there for the tour, let alone thinking about living in there. </div>
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the coolest thing about this city was how it was all built into the rock. we saw parts that were lived in hundreds, thousands of years ago and then the city was more modern but still used the caves and rocks as hotels and restaurants. we want to go back with kids because i feel like it would be their imaginations dream to explore the caves and run around rocks all day. i'm not into mountain biking or anything but this would be a fun place to give it a try. we ate dinner that night in a restaurant that overlooked the city and it was just as cool at night as it was in the day. i slept like a rock that night hehe. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-78068661388112129092016-03-02T21:45:00.006-08:002016-03-02T21:48:32.083-08:00turkey // pamukkale <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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we took an early flight from istanbul to pamukkale our second day in turkey and spent the entire day there. we didn't do a whole lot of research on this place because the pictures online sold us. it really was incredible although all the springs weren't open and there were hundreds of people around. we were dropped off at an area with lots of ruins in which we needed to walk through to get to the springs. we still don't know any of the history behind them but they were neat to see and imagine what it was like thousands of years ago. i remember it being very hot.. and i was very hungry.. and very exhausted from pregnancy.. i started to kind of lose it at one point and just wanted to sleep under a tree and i had to stop a lot just to sit down. </div>
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we made it to the springs and they were pretty incredible overlooking the valley. the mountains around us looked like snow and the water was a chalky blue. the springs weren't deep at all.. maybe two feet deep in some areas, but they were nice to sit in to cool down a little. i think they control where the water flows during certain times of the year because the pictures on google were different than what we experienced. we found a lot of more secluded pools but without water in them and i'm assuming they have water in them during their high season. </div>
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we hung out at the springs for a while and then went to get some food. this resort area is really secluded and the only food you can get to is what they offer there. the food was crap. it was worse than what you would find in a ghetto cafeteria and of course overpriced. this was a little frustrating for a pregnant chick. i got a little pizza and fries and even tanner agreed it was horrible. they didn't offer much and i'm venting more than it really matters but we were there allll day and that's all they had. end rant.</div>
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this resort had a nice hot spring pool that only adults were allowed to be in. there were ruins in the pool that was really neat to swim around and see. i had felt extremely bloated that day and thought i looked "huge" with child and that pool felt so nice to float in. i can't believe i don't have one picture of it! i didn't want to get out because it felt so good to have that pressure taken off of my stomach. we were pretty much stranded there for the day because we were taking an overnight bus to our next destination and didn't have anything else planned. we ended up finding some spots in the grass and i took a needed nap and then we walked to some more ruins. after we had our feel and were ready to get some real food for dinner, we left to grab a taxi. the taxi was a rip off so we decided to walk to the nearest town to get dinner. you can imagine how i felt about that.. it was about 2 miles which wasn't horrible but i wasn't in the mood for it. turned out to be just fine and took we were graced with a gorgeous sunset and a good dinner. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-79808659799143980912016-03-01T21:53:00.001-08:002016-03-01T21:56:45.266-08:00turkey // istanbul - evening of day one <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^^ one of the few things i could stomach were these little delicious donuts. i could have eaten a thousand of them! </div>
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^^ nothing about these 'treats' appeal to me <br />
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^^ i was obsessed with these lights. they were everywhere and i wanted to buy some for the nursery but decided against carrying them around the rest of the trip<br />
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the rest of the day in istanbul was a little more mellow. we went back to the apartment so i could lay down and nap. that felt heaven sent. </div>
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after resting for a little while, we left to watch the sunset. it was so beautiful seeing all the mosques with spires around us and the sun setting behind them. there were a lot of people around but i remember it feeling quiet.. everyone seemed to just be taking it in. we made our way to dinner and walked by lots of traditional turkish shops full of spices, turkish delights, colorful lights and whatnot. </div>
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the atmosphere of the restaurant we ate in was awesome. we sat on pillows and rugs while we ate but the food was slightly disappointing. i was hoping turkish food would have been more like indian food with naan and curries but it wasn't so much. one thing that was nice about being pregnant is that tanner actually took the time to get at least three full meals and snacks in between for me. i know that is normal, but not for that guy. i guess he honestly has gotten better over the years and has actually become more of a foodie, but for a long time we would eat on the go.. which usually meant popping in a bakery, grabbing some bread or whatever then continue on while we ate it. he has always been good about stopping and eating something good and hearty for dinner but that was an adjustment for me because for me, the best part about traveling is trying new delicious food!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-2384728364366023222016-03-01T21:36:00.002-08:002016-03-01T21:54:20.840-08:00turkey // istanbul - morning of day one <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^^ gotta love asking others to take your photo. at least the other lady is in focus. </div>
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oh man, what a whirlwind trip. we went way back in september and crammed in one day what most people would do in probably a week. good thing is, the main things we wanted to see in istanbul were relatively close to eachother and we could get to them by walking or an easy train that went down the main street. bad thing is, i felt SO sick during this whole trip. i was approaching my 8th week of pregnancy and my "morning sickness" was a full blown 24 hours. jet lag didn't help too much. </div>
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we arrived saturday evening and after dropping off our luggage in the apartment we were staying in, our host brought us to istiklal street for dinner. it was a fun night life area with lots of shopping and restaurants. </div>
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we had a nice little breakfast the following morning outside of a cafe and then went to the top of the galata tour to see a beautiful view of the city. we then ventured to the main area and visited the blue mosque, hagia sophia church, basilica cistern, and topkapi palace. we really wanted to go to the grand bazaar but it was closed since it was sunday. everything we saw was so beautiful and i loved that it had a mix of european culture and middle eastern. i am glad we got to go when we did. i feel like whenever i turn on the news (which is <i>rare</i>) there are more issues with ISIS and terrorists in turkey and surrounding countries. my dad was worried about us going but we were safe and sound without any issues. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-4540251726960148272016-02-27T22:22:00.003-08:002016-02-29T13:32:26.973-08:00and... we got pregnant // 8.15.15<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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in august of last year, we decided to pursue our first round of fertility treatments and prepped ourselves (myself) for an IUI. i have <i>the </i>worst memory but if i remember correctly, i took some medication for a few days, gave myself three shots in my belly, gave myself a trigger shot in my belly, all while going in to the clinic in between for ultrasounds to see how things were going. i thought i was handling all the extra hormones really well until one day i called my mom and couldn't even speak because i was choked up crying... for really no reason. i couldn't pin point why i crying but figured it was just, everything. </div>
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anyway, i went in for an ultrasound and they said to come back two days later on saturday morning for the actual insemination. the whole bringing in the semen thing is awkward. but for me, doing the deed at the clinic is more awkward. so saturday morning we got up early, did what we needed to do, drove downtown to drop it off than waited an hour. during that hour, we got a chai and walked around the city. it was early and not very many people were out. we've never taken the time to do that in our own city! i loved it. one of those special little moments that i just felt happy. we went back to the fertility clinic for the procedure and our nurse was the sweetest lady i've ever met. she was round and jolly and someone i just wanted to hug. so i did. she told us with the biggest smile that his sperm was magnificent! (sorry tan) the actual procedure was more uncomfortable than i expected and i found myself squeezing tanners hand really hard. then wala, we were done. we went back downtown for boise's saturday market and ended up seeing some friends so we spent most of the early afternoon hanging out with them. quite the perfect saturday if you ask me. i love mellow saturdays with nothing on the itenery.. besides trying to conceive ;) </div>
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i tried to keep my mind busy for the next two weeks before i would go in to see if we got pregnant. i tried to tell myself that my boobs were always sensitive and that i'm always this bloated. a few days before i went to be tested, i was with some friends at lunch and they all knew about the procedure and were asking about it. they asked me if i <i>felt </i>pregnant and i said yes, but i didn't want to get my hopes up. right as we left the restaurant i said screw it, my boobs are never this sensitive and went to wal mart and bought a test. i had taken SO many tests over the last two years and would strain my eyes to imagine a second pink line. i can't tell you how many tests i would take out of the trash minutes, or hours later just to see if maybe i missed something. but! this blessed test had two pink lines show up right away. i think my eyes popped out of my head and i just started squealing! i thought i would cry, but i didn't. i was ridiculously happy! i called my mom right away and all i really said was, "finally!" she knew. </div>
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i wanted to do something creative to tell tanner and i hadn't made dinner yet so i went to get a pizza from papa murpheys. the idea was to write on the inside of the box "from one papa to another, congrats!" but tanner got home before i did and i didn't have time to write in it. so we ate.... and my mind was turning. i went upstairs and grabbed the test and put it in my bra. i asked tanner to go outside to take a picture of me for instagram (sounded realistic) and i tried doing a pregnancy pose but i was too nervous, i didn't know what i was doing. i just whipped out the test and smiled and he just said, really?! and we hugged and kissed. i went in a few days later to get my blood drawn and they confirmed the results a few hours later. it was my same jolly nurse who called me and she went on to tell me to expect multiples.. most likely two. i was like, what?! she said my blood count was triple the number it should have been at that point.. so during the next two weeks before our ultrasound i was trying to wrap my mind around having twins. </div>
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when we arrived to our ultrasound, the screen was set up with baby A and baby B.. after looking around for few minutes my nurse just stopped and said she was stumped. she thought 100% we were having multiples but there was only one baby. she said no one in the clinic was going to believe her because my numbers were so high but trust me, i am more than A-OK with one baby.<br />
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it's kind of cool to know exactly when you conceived and have an accurate due date. as of now, we are due may 5th, cinco de mayo but i think i will have HER, sometime in aprili. yes, it's a girl and that is for a different post! </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-47827204320086502642016-02-27T21:14:00.001-08:002016-02-27T21:14:08.179-08:00ivory's 2nd birthday // 8.5.15<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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ivory's 2nd birthday was a relaxing, peaceful day for me. quite opposite from her 1st birthday. her 1st birthday started and ended nice but i was a wreck during the middle of the day while tanner was at work. tanner was in texas this year for her birthday so i prepped myself a little knowing he wouldn't be there for support when i lost it. because i knew it would lose it at some point. the day before her birthday was rough for me, mostly because it was a reminder that we hit 2 years of trying to get pregnant. i cried a lot and looked through the box of ivory's things from the hospital. every once in a while i let myself lose it and let myself feel the pain and let myself remember all the details of her story and in the end, i feel better. </div>
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so for ivorys birthday i ended up spending the day doing whatever i wanted. i prefer to be alone (or with tanner) so i can do and feel whatever i need to do and feel. i had friends and family offer to be with me but i find that when i'm with people, i don't let the sadness come through like i would on my own. i was prepared to let myself just be. </div>
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i woke up feeling extremely comforted and at peace.. not quite what i was expecting. i started the day by seeing a spiritual healer/massage therapist who i had seen a few times after ivory passed. the times i had visited her before, i left feeling better, but without clarity. i can't explain how i felt during this session.. i was able to go into my mind and heart in a way i never have before. i left her feeling full of gratitude and hope. i went home to shower and get ready for the rest of the day and a beautiful bouquet was delivered to my house. the note said "mom, i know this day is going to be hard for you. i love you, ivory." it was weird feeling like i had a direct message from her and couldn't figure out who really sent them. i later found out it was my brother in law and thought it was a very sweet gift. </div>
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i went to the temple after getting ready (tanner and i decided this would be a tradition on her birthday) and was in a beautiful session there. i felt full of hope and just, happy. sometimes i go hoping to literally see a glimpse of my future but that's never happened. most likely never will but you can't deny the peace and love you feel while you're in the temple. i went with the thought of having more children and left with the song "press forward saints" stuck in my head. i felt like that was my answer, to keep pressing forward and to move on with the plans we had set in place.</div>
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after the session i went to eat at my favorite restaurant, the stuffed olive, and treated myself to dessert after my meal. i purposely waited to go to the cemetery toward the end of the day because nothing beats a quiet sunset up there. i was surprised to see so many things left for her. there isn't a better feeling in the world than to know people haven't forgotten her and took time to visit her. i cry just thinking about it. i brought my healing journal and just hung out and mediated. i very rarely sit and just meditate but i know it's so good for the soul. not too long after i got there, my brother and sister in law, with their son rocky showed up with flowers and i can't even tell you... the love.. i have for everyone who cares about my baby girl. they sat with me until the sunset and it was nice to have company there. </div>
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i know this post is so long overdue but happy birthday my little girl. </div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-29335240387636895772016-02-27T20:21:00.003-08:002016-02-27T20:34:18.535-08:00summer in mccall // 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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my absolute favorite thing about the summer is spending whatever weekend we can in mccall. i remember my first time going there while i was dating tanner. we drove up from rexburg and got in pretty late. one of the first things we did was walk out to the lake and look at the stars and it was quite romantic. we spent the next few nights sneaking out to the boat in the middle of the night to kiss haha. tanner pretty much grew up in mccall since his family has owned their condo for more than 20 years now. i remember asking him one time what is his favorite thing in the world to do? he said to spend time with his family, especially when all his brothers are together, in mccall. i'm so glad i get to share in these memories now. it really is one of the best places! </div>
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i was thinking the other day how i used to take so many more pictures than i do now. i mean as a kid. i always had a disposable camera and loved taking pictures of friends and just whatever was going on in my life. you'd think that with my accessibility to unlimited amounts of photo taking i would take more, but i honestly don't. i think i hit a point where i was so consumed in getting a good photo that i had to take a step back and just learn to enjoy doing what i'm doing. i'm learning to balance that now by taking photos to capture memories and feelings vs. getting something valid for social media. for example, we spent a few weekends in mccall with several friends and family and i hardly have any pictures of them! my goal is to take more pictures of the people around me, instead of myself and tanner. </div>
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this last photo posted was taken while we were with the lunt and gamette family. it was a super fun weekend spent boating, laying out, cliff jumping, eating, fires by the lake and even going to the island for a treasure hunt since it was our friends birthday. the weather was absolutely perfect and although it was the greatest time, i remember feeling so sad inside. i posted that last photo on instagram and a friend texted me with the photo attached and said she could see sadness in my eyes. she was so right. i had started my period that day and was extremely hopeful that we would get pregnant that month. we knew if we didn't, we were going to pursue fertility treatments and press forward with adoption. the friends we were with were fully aware of my situation and i'm glad they were there to let me cry to them. they've been some of my rocks during the last couple of years and are now my biggest cheerleaders. little did we know we would conceive the next month through IUI but when i see that photo, i remember the pain i felt. that's what i love about photos. they can capture a moment and bring back feelings from that time, good or bad. i think it's good to remember where we've been, the feelings we've felt, to try to be a better person for the present and future. </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-67066910932696348492016-02-15T22:10:00.001-08:002016-02-15T22:13:44.828-08:00glacier national park // waterton, canada<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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^^ waffles of waterton.. delicious!</div>
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^^ wieners of waterton.. also delicious! </div>
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^^ waterton was so little and charming. </div>
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it's been a<i> long </i>time since i've updated here (hence the crazy photo drop) and i can't believe i never got around to posting my favorite thing we did this last summer. my life got crazy after august and i haven't been able to keep up with it until now.<br />
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our trip through glacier was too quick but we were able to stay the night just outside of waterton, canada and spent half the day in that charming area. we happened to be there on canada day and got to watch a parade and feel some canadian spirit. i've seen a lot of beautiful places, and waterton is up there on my top 5 list. simply breathtaking. </div>
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^^i don't even remember what this lake is called (it's been that long!) but it's a must see. we got there early in the morning before the clouds came in and soaked in it's beauty. after we found a rad water hole beneath a waterfall where tanner fished, and eventually jumped in (even though the air was kind of chilly, and the water was freeeeezing) and spent a little while in town drinking chai, eating hot dogs and waffles. it was one of those days that was perfect to me. literally my dream! </div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-65732823877927647412015-09-11T20:43:00.000-07:002015-09-11T20:43:32.497-07:00glacier national park // 1st day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i filmed a wedding in eureka, montana last summer and was taken away by how beautiful northern montana was. actually, the whole drive from boise was gorgeous and just got prettier the further north i went. since then, tanner and i had planned on heading back up so we could check out glacier national park. holy, insane. we both agreed that it was the most beautiful place we both had been.. and that's saying something if you know how obsessed i am with switzerland. every turn had us both wide eyed and looking at each other going, this is crazy. we stopped off to do some fishing and although they were tiny, they were biting so that's always fun. the water was such a gorgeous blue color with pine trees and waterfalls addressing the background. we only had five hours of daylight and enough time to basically drive through to cananda. we wanted to see waterton first thing in the morning so we camped on the canandian side and got eaten by misquitos. besides that, the sunset was beautiful and we slept great. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-80439517924411174852015-09-11T20:16:00.000-07:002015-09-11T20:16:07.872-07:00pit stop // montana<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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we drove a long way up a mountain to find a camping spot on the top. it started raining when we pulled in and which it super cozy. tanner got a tent that goes on top of our truck and takes two seconds to set up. this comes in really handy during these situations. we climbed into bed and listened to an audiobook as we fell asleep. the next morning was gorgeous with the low clouds and was a nice way to start our road trip through montana. and, of course tanner had to fish while i ate my breakfast watching him. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2173276230174682477.post-42624935410247350112015-09-11T20:03:00.001-07:002015-09-11T20:03:05.697-07:00cliff lake // montana<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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one of the first time's tanner and i hung out was with a group of friends at cliff lake. i'll never forget how serene i thought the lake was. i'm a sucker for mountain lakes and this one is definitely one of my favorites. it has soft white sand and crystal clear water around the edges. it's just absolutely beautiful. while we were with our group of friends, i started getting word that tanner was crushing on me. i was kind of hung up on a boy from back home so didn't think too much of it. i liked tanner but, "as a friend." i went home for the seven week summer break and during that break tanner went to visit his grandma in salt lake. i remember him calling me and i would ignore the calls and he would leave voicemails saying he wanted to take me out. i told my parents and was shocked to hear my dad say to call him back and invite him out to dinner with my family. i felt bad for blowing him off so i called him thinking he would say no since i lived about 45 minutes from salt lake. well, he said he'd love to go to dinner with my family and then he showed up at my house about 45 minutes later.. my parents loved him right off the bat and i was just like, eh. after dinner we went back to my house and just talked on my porch for a long time and i remember tanner saying he had a hard time reading me and i'm "different" than other girls.. i could tell he wanted to kiss me and i didn't let it happen. he left that night and we kept in touch until school started back up for the fall semester. we were with each other almost every single day and my parents would always ask about him. i would just say he's good and is one of my best friends, but nothing more. me, my friend estef, tanner's friend drew, and tanner would hang out on sundays on a blanket that we called the magic blanket. everything said on that blanket was confidential and had to be the truth. we learned A LOT about each other and that's when i started falling for tanner. i also learned on the magic blanket that he was kissing a lot of other girls, and they were cute girls! over time, i started getting jealous hearing about these girls he was taking out and i remember being like, why do i care?! then bam, i knew i was going to marry him. just like that, i knew. i didn't date him just yet though… i remember telling my roommates that i was going to marry him so there was no rush to date him. </div>
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one night, the same group of friends went to a mexican food restaurant and when we left we all gave each other kisses on the cheeks. tanner snuck in a real kiss for me and although it was just silly, it totally struck me. like lightning. i left that night thinking oh my lanta… i like him! we ended up having a real kiss shortly after and i fell for him hard. unfortunately, the fall semester was coming to an end and i was going home to work in utah for the winter while tanner stayed in idaho. we decided not to date each other and just wait to see how things played out. i ended up visiting him once over the winter then he went to utah a few times to ski. finally, in march, after he went to utah for a ski trip, we just made it official and singled ourselves off as a couple. the rest is history that i am loving writing more chapters to. </div>
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