Thursday, January 29, 2015

insecurities

some of my friends came into town the other weekend and i still feel hungover from it. not literally hungover, but i've just noticed how hard it is for me to bounce back when i get off of my routine. and i'm only 26.. isn't it weird when you can feel your body age?! we had late night after late night and played busch one too many times. one night, we went to merrits at 2 in the morning, got our scone fix, then went sledding after. all my friends had kids that they left at home with an 11 year old who drank his first red bull so he could stay awake in case anything happened.. nothing did with the kids but my friend smashed his face pretty good on the ice and got a black eye and a skinned cheek. it was honestly one of the best weekends i've had in a long time. i laughed hard, had too many adrenaline rushes, and made some good memories. i felt like i knew some of the couples forever when really, we were just acquaintances. 
we went to mccall to going skiing and on the car ride up we got into a deep conversation. and i love deep conversations haha. i feel like i can really connect with people when i learn the nitty gritty of their life. i'm not trying to be nosy, i just like to see walls come down and i feel like our friendships are more meaningful when i really get to know them. everyone has a story that makes them who they are and i want to know it. truly, one of my least favorite things to do is shoot the breeze with strangers. or just shooting the breeze with anybody.. give me some substance and i'm your best friend! so, this leads to my friend asking us all out of the blue what our insecurities are. it was interesting to hear what everyone had to say. what i learned is that we all have them. big or small. but they're there. some are similar and some are different and some i would totally disagree with.. but when they're your insecurities, you notice them even if others don't. 
what i realized about myself is that it's not so much that i am insecure about things.. because the things i would like to work on changing don't prevent me from doing them.. it's more things i wish were more natural for me. but like i said, it doesn't prevent me from doing anything. sure, i'd love to have a rockin bod, but it doesn't prevent me from getting in a swimsuit. sure, i'd love my videography work to be better, but it doesn't prevent me from doing what i love. sure, i'd love to be an amazing snowboarder (i have dreams about this weekly) but my non-daring self isn't prevented from snowboarding. i don't know. i just feel like do what you love, love what you are and you will be happy. it's easy to worry about what other people think about you, but they're also worried about what you think about them.
i felt like after we all opened up and told each other what our "insecurities" were, there was a blanket lifted and we were all on the same page. after talking so openly with one another only made me want to do one thing. and that was to be 100% confident in myself and to be happy with the gifts and talents i have. as long as i'm working and striving at challenging myself while keeping my sanity along the way, it's a win.
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1 comment:

  1. okay yeah that weekend on insta looked hecka fun. thats awesome!!
    I love this post. as you know i'm all for being open and deep :) i love me some convo that has actual meaning! But i love the feeling of talking about something like insecurities openly and then its like Freedom has rung! that in itself would make anything after way more enjoyable.
    I love ya!! And i love that you had these fun experiences and memories made!

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