Monday, June 17, 2013

a not so happy to happy fathers day

i had it all planned out to wake up early to make tanner a well-deserved father's day breakfast. lately i've been waking up on my own before 8 so i thought it'd be no problem making him breakfast before my 10 o' clock church meeting. i ended up waking up at 9:50... jumped out of bed and threw on my clothes and went to my meeting. i remember thinking that i felt wet... (sorry if that's really gross) .... and then i thought i should have used the restroom before i left, i just didn't have time. my meeting was really short, only 15 minutes. when i got home i apologized to tanner a thousand times for not making his morning special but of course, he didn't care. then tanner asked what was on the back of my skirt. i looked and had no idea what it was because it was brand new and i had never worn it before. i went into the bathroom to see if i could scrub it out and that's when i realized it was blood on my skirt and that i had a lot more blood in my underwear... (again, sorry if that grosses you out) ... at 22 weeks pregnant, this wasn't a good sign.
you could probably guess that i turned into a complete mess. i couldn't control my crying and had every awful thought of losing this baby going through my head. i was in shock, and only knew we had to get to the hospital. tanner was extremely calm and comforting, thank goodness, i could not have gone through this alone.
as we drove to the hospital, i could feel my girl moving, stronger movements than usual. it worried me and i thought something was making her struggle. we checked into labor and delivery and i couldn't bare the thought of delivering a still born baby or super pre-mature baby.
 the first thing they did was whip out an ultra-sound. i remember looking at the screen, seeing my baby girl, and feeling so comforted. she was perfect. in my mind, in that brief second, there was no way i could lose her. the nurse continued to move the wand around until we saw her heart beat. it was strong and steady. it was a perfect 143. no signs of stress, or struggling. she was perfect. i couldn't wipe the smile off my face.
the nurse strapped a heart monitor and a contraction monitor to me and told me her heartbeat was great, but we needed to stop the contractions. contractions? i didn't even know i was having contractions. i was having them every two minutes and they were triggered from losing the blood. the strong movements i was feeling in the car, and had thought were my baby, were actually contractions. after about 30 minutes the nurse decided to give me a shot which would stop them all together. so there we waited, in this little room, knowing our baby was okay, and waited for the contractions to go away.
 then i decided to get some pictures :D
^^ i promise, he was only on his phone once we realized all was A O.K.
 ^^ contraction monitor
^^ contractions calming down

 the worst father's day turned into the happiest father's day. i remember thinking that this girl needs to be okay. she needs to be okay so she gets the chance to have tanner for her dad. he is one incredible man that i love too much. it hit home for both of us how much we really wanted this baby to be in our family. it became more of a reality that we were ready and would give anything to keep her. it was the first time we really talked about names (whenever i ask tanner what names he likes, his response is "turkey") and what we want to her to be like, ect. we still don't know what the cause was for all of this and we know that there was nothing i could have done to prevent it. i just think i jinxed myself. i got cocky thinking my pregnancy was too normal. this put life into perspective though. these moments make you realize what's important and what's most definitely not. i had many texts and phone calls and sweet words from people i love. i appreciate that so much.
well, my doctor put me on bed rest for the remainder of the day or until further notice. he put me on pelvic rest for at least a week, heh heh. so i caught up on my hulu shows and tanner ended up pampering me instead of me pampering him. gosh, i love him.

 ^^ this is pretty much what the day looked like
 ^^ cuba rarely left my side
 ^^ then we all watched pretty little liars together :)
^^ 22 weeks and HAPPPPPY!

i had an appointment this morning with my doctor and i'm still on pelvic rest hehe, but not bed rest. he said everything looked great and i can continue on with my normal routines. she has grown a few cm. and i've gained 4 pounds in the last two weeks :/ haha. all is well!

ps, kudos to you if you read all of this!


  1. so so so happy everything turned out to be ok. As I read this my heart literally stopped. I can't imagine what you two went through that day. I sent a prayer up for you (and you little lady) just know.

    PS. I love PLL! Just introduced S to it this new season... he's confused to say the least lol ;)

  2. that can be so scary!! so glad your little girl is ok!

  3. so glad everything is okay Dar. Thinking of you

  4. love you dar! so happy to hear you and the baby is healthy! and glad to hear tanner is so good to you:)

  5. i read all of it because i care about you! SO glad you/baby/papa are all okay. so glad. you're the best mama, already - i can just tell. and so teeny tiny and cute! i hope i look that good preggo :) keep on keepin on, dar! can't wait to meet her!

  6. oh my goodness! glad everything is ok! :)

  7. so glad you are well, i was worried! must of been for a reason, if not just to remind you how lucky you are to bring her to earth and show you a bit of his love for us. :). cant wait to continue to watch you grow into a beautiful mama. much love!

  8. Awful to be scared in that way - it's great that Tanner was able to stay calm for you both. So happy everything is fine with baby girl (but sorry about the pelvic rest) ;)

  9. gosh that is so scary. glad everything is ok, love you dar!


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